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Unless you live in a state with open unsealed adoption records, chances are your search will not be quick or easy. When you first start your search, it's very likely that won't have any information to go on. You have to become somewhat of a detective and pull out all the stops in order to find the information you seek. It's very easy to get frustrated because you will run up against so many brick walls. In most cases it takes patience, time, and perseverance to be successful. I'm going to list all the things I used during my own search, and some I didn't use because they didn't apply to my situation. Some of them were helpful and some weren't, but each search is different so what might not have helped me might be just the thing you need. If you're an adoptee, talk to your family and see if they have any information for you to use. Talk to your adoptive parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, neighbors, or anyone who you think might have information to help identify your birth parents. Look in the family bible, family tree, safety deposit boxes, or any other place your adoptive parents might have jotted down pertinent information. If that doesn't turn up any leads, you can contact the social services department for your state and ask for all "non-identifying information" contained in your adoption records. You just have to contact the proper office for the state you're looking in (the state where the birth took place or the adoption took place). The office will be located in the state capital and a quick internet search will give you the mailing address and phone number for the state you're interested in. Just do a search on "non-identifying information" and you'll find a slew of websites with information. While non-identifying information isn't all that helpful, it's a starting place. I know a few people who were lucky and they got some good leads from their papers because the agency had forgotten to black out pertinent information. One lady was even able to scrape off the white-out used on her documents and found all the info she needed. There are also tons and tons of adoption related websites that have free registries where you can list your pertinent information in case someone is searching for you. You can also search through the info others have listed and possibly find the person you are looking for. If it could only be that simple for everyone! The very first thing I urge anyone to do it register with the International Soundex Reunion Registry. They are the most comprehensive and well known adoption registry organization that I know of. Once you know the name of the person you are looking for, you can start to narrow down your search. Even a first name or a last name can be useful. An old address, phone number, high school/grade school/college, etc. All of these small clues can be pieced together with other things you discover, and hopefully will eventually blend into a pathway with an open door! These are some good starting places looking for those pieces. Neighbors (current or old) If you find an address and the person no longer lives there you can knock on the neighbors doors and see if they can tell you anything. I would caution you against revealing why you are searching if you don't have to. There is still a lot of prejudice against adoption searches, especially if you are a birthmother searching for a child. I learned this the hard way. Yearbooks If you only have a first or last name, but know the city where the person you're looking for lives, you can look in old high school yearbooks and possibly track them down that way. This wasn't helpful to me because my daughter was home schooled. Online telephone directories My favorite online directory is anywho.com. It really is free, unlike some sites that say they are free and then ask you to pay for the phone number and/or address info that they found. This site also has a reverse lookup feature that will give you the address of a person if you know their phone number. Another favorite of mine is findlaw.com/directories/reverse.html. If you use their reverse phone number lookup, on the results page there is a "find neighbor" feature that is helpful. An interesting site is whitepages.com. They mostly charge you if you want the phone number or address, but there is some info listed on there that is free such as the age of the person. Directory assistance If it seems that the person you looking for might have an unpublished phone number you can always call the operator and see if they will give it to you. You can also dial 00 and 1 to get an operator who can do a national search for you. You don't even need to know a city or state, they will search everything. It will cost you about $2 on your phone bill. Public records Marriage, divorce, and death certificates are online in most counties now and are open to the public for viewing. You just have to know where to look. Just ask someone who works there for assistance. If the person you are looking for is a professional such as a lawyer or teacher, you can check the state registry website where they are licensed and find some info on them. Tax offices have a lot of their public records online such as real estate tax records, deed of sale, etc. You might also want to search the criminal databases that are online. You never know! I'll also say that when you do find your child or birthparents, whatever the case may be, you might want to do a criminal background check on them before making contact. You certainly do not want to walk into a sticky or violent situation. Other online resources There are a lot of resources available on the internet to look for people. Don't forget classmates.com. You might also want to search the unclaimed property websites for each state.Military records, burial records, etc. can be searched online. Hospitals Birthparents can write to the hospital where their child was born and ask for copies of all their medical records from the date of birth. You have a right to your own medical records, and do not let anyone tell you differently. I wrote and got my records and received a big thick envelope with a lot of info. All of the identifying info about the baby was blacked out (like the sex of the baby, etc) but I did get a copy of her footprints out of the deal. This was like finding the holy grail to me at that point in time! Fellow birthmothers or adoptees Talk to someone who has conducted a search and see what methods they used. Join online support groups and post your information there and ask others for help. These are great places where you will not be judged or questioned for searching. Old newspapers Some states require that all births be announced in the newspapers, especially births of children who were born out of wedlock. They require these postings because most of the time the birthfather isn't listed on the original birth certificate and this is the way the adoption agencies protect themselves (at least this is what I was told during my search). US Postal service If you find an old address for the person, try sending a letter to that address and mark on the envelope "return address requested". Maybe you'll get lucky and the letter will be returned to you with a current address, or at least an old forwarding address, which will give you more clues. Lawyer who handled your case It's another long shot, but you might get lucky and the lawyer who handled your adoption case could give you some assistance. Adoption search firms If you have the money, you can hire an adoption search firm to help you. Just be sure to do your homework and check them out before you give them any money. Home for unwed mothers If you are the birthmother and were sent to a home for unwed mothers you can contact them to see if they will give you any information. This is how I finally found all the information I needed to track down my daughter. This is by no means an extensive list of all the resources and areas to search, but I hope they are useful to someone. I would love to hear about your own experiences if you are searching, or have searched and been reunited. Best of luck to everyone who is searching. It's a long hard journey and hopefully you will find some peace at the end of the road. The past is gone and only the future remains. Make the most of it! |
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